Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
