Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
