suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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