Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
