sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
