getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Congratulations! We have a period
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