Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
