Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The uberlube is also flammable
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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