Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just got carded by a ten year old.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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