If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
