And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
