I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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