so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
