I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Shame is for Republicans.
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