Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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