I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
