it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
