I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
