We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
