I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
