no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
