Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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