yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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