My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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