No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
