you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
