Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
