i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
