I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
