I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
