Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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