and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
