After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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