plz talk dirty to me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
