I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
