Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
