better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you had me at cake vodka
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
