Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
