My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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