so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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