I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
