I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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