Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize