it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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