I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drake has all the answers
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
