I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
