I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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