i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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