I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
