saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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