You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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