i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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