In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
