I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
